“I See Why You Picked Up the Blade”: An IFS Perspective on Cutting

Everything IFS
Oct 11
4 min read

Updated: 4 days ago

Disclaimer: This article explores self-harm through an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens for the sake of understanding, not permission. If you are thinking about cutting or have recently hurt yourself, please reach out for help right now. You do not have to be alone in this moment In the U.S., you can call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or use 988lifeline.org for free, 24/7 support. If you are outside the U.S., find international hotlines here: [findahelpline.com], or look up a local emergency or crisis line in your country.

IFS invites compassionate curiosity toward every part of you — including the one that wants to self-harm — but it never encourages acting on the urge. Safety and relationship always come first.

There are articles that diagnose. There are articles that advise. And then —there are the rare ones that sit beside you in the bathroom, the night you’re shaking and silent and holding a blade.

This one sits beside you — not to justify the cut, but to understand what pain is asking for beneath it.

Because this one doesn’t try to fix you. It doesn’t shame you into safety. It turns toward you. It stays.

🕯️ The Traditional View of Cutting

In most clinical spaces, cutting is categorized under a diagnosis: Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI). A behavior. A symptom. A warning sign. It’s framed as a coping mechanism — maladaptive, harmful, yet understandable within the context of distress.

You’re told you’re trying to “regulate emotions,” “gain control,” or “release pain. ”You might be given worksheets, skills, and safety plans. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it feels like it misses the point entirely.

Because underneath all that is a haunting, echoing truth:

No one is asking the part of you who picks up the blade… what it needs.

🕯️ How IFS Sees It

Internal Family Systems (IFS) doesn’t flinch. It doesn’t retreat into diagnosis codes or tidy metaphors. It doesn’t yank the blade from your hand. It turns toward the part holding the blade— and says gently, reverently: “What are you trying to express?”

In IFS, cutting is not seen as irrational or attention-seeking. It is a protector — usually a firefighter part — doing everything it canto soothe unbearable pain, to protect an exile who’s screaming inside.

Maybe it cuts so you’ll feel something. Maybe it cuts to drain out the shame. Maybe it cuts to punish a body you were taught to hate. Maybe it’s the only way it knows how to say, “It hurts in here. Please. Someone see.”

And always — beneath it — is a younger part. Not a diagnosis. Not a danger. Just a wound. Alone. And never heard. IFS does not endorse the behavior. It seeks to understand it so healing can begin.

🕯️ IFS Doesn’t Demand Change. It Offers Relationship.

Instead of replacing the blade with breathing exercises, IFS whispers:

“Can I sit beside you before you go to the blade? ”“What does this part hope will happen if you do?” “What are you afraid will happen if you don’t?”

It doesn’t push the protector away. It befriends it. It listens long enough for trust to form.

Because the truth is —many people who cut don’t want to be stopped without being understood. They want to be seen before they’re asked to stop.

IFS understands that. But understanding is the beginning — not the permission .No part needs to harm the body to be heard.

🕯️ The Power of Staying

Most of the world tries to pull you away from your pain. IFS steps into it with you.

When a part feels seen — not shamed — something softens. Not instantly. Not always completely. But enough. Enough to pause. Enough to ask the part: “Would you let me stay with you next time the urge comes?” And maybe one day, “Would you let me help hold what you’re holding —so you don’t have to do it alone anymore?”

That pause, that moment of shared presence, is not about continuing the behavior —it’s about discovering you have other ways to soothe that part.

🕯️ Yes, Learn New Coping Tools — And Still Talk to Your Parts

You can practice distress tolerance. You can explore DBT. You can build skills and safety plans.

But what if you also ask:

“Who inside me reaches for the blade?”
“What are they afraid of?”
“What do they believe will happen if they stop?”

Because inside the behavior is a story. Inside the pain is a part. And that part — is not wrong .It’s just tired of being alone. The goal is never to keep cutting. The goal is to let the part know it doesn’t need to anymore.

🕯️ What Liberation Looks Like in IFS

If you cut, it doesn’t mean you’re dangerous .It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’ve got a system doing its best to survive.

IFS doesn’t ask you to cut it out. It asks you to turn toward the part who does the cutting and say:

“I see why you picked up the blade. ”“You don’t have to be alone in this anymore.”

Not once. Not as a trick to get it to stop. But again. And again. As a vow of presence and safety.

Because maybe, just maybe…you’ve never had someone stay .IFS stays. Therapy can stay. People can stay.

And so can you.

If You’re Hurting Right Now

Please don’t be alone with it. Reach out — someone will answer.

U.S.: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — Call or text 988, or chat via 988lifeline.org
Canada: Talk Suicide Canada — 1-833-456-4566 or talksuicide.ca
UK: Samaritans — 116 123 or samaritans.org
Australia: Lifeline — 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au
International: [findahelpline.com] for global options

You deserve care, not punishment. There are people — and parts inside you — that want you to stay.