🕯️ IFS and Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment forms when love and fear come from the same source. In IFS, this isn’t confusion—it’s a system divided, each part trying to survive a paradox.

• One protector may crave closeness, desperate for safety.

• Another may panic when intimacy appears, equating it with harm.

• An exile beneath them may carry the memory of being both loved and hurt.

IFS doesn’t pathologize this conflict. It honors the intelligence in it. Both impulses—approach and retreat—were once essential.

Healing begins when Self can hold both truths:

• “Of course you want love.”“

• "Of course you’re terrified of it.”

As these parts experience consistent presence, the nervous system learns that connection can exist without threat. Slowly, the system reorganizes—no longer pulled between longing and fear, but learning the steady rhythm of trust.