🕯️IFS and Shame

Shame in IFS isn’t a flaw — it’s a protector’s attempt to keep the system safe from rejection. It’s the echo of moments when visibility meant danger, and hiding became survival.

• A shaming part may believe that self-blame prevents further harm.

• A perfectionist may use shame to drive improvement and avoid criticism.

• An exile beneath may carry the original wound: I am unlovable.

IFS doesn’t challenge shame with logic — it meets it with presence.

• “Who in me feels ashamed?”

• “What is this part afraid would happen if we stopped feeling bad?”

  
  

As Self holds the shame with compassion, the walls begin to loosen. The part learns it doesn’t have to protect through self-attack anymore.

In IFS, healing shame isn’t about pride — it’s about belonging. It’s remembering that even the parts that hide in darkness are still worthy of love.