🕯️ How to Work With, Not Against, Your Manager Parts

Managers are the planners, organizers, and controllers of the internal system. They anticipate problems, set standards, and strive to prevent anything that might bring pain or chaos. They mean well — they believe the system’s survival depends on their vigilance.

But when managers dominate, life can start to feel tight. They can keep you endlessly busy, critical, or striving for perfection, afraid that if they stop, everything will fall apart.

Working with them begins with appreciation. Managers rarely hear “thank you.” Let them know you see how hard they’ve worked to keep things together. You don’t have to like their methods to respect their intentions.

Then invite curiosity: “What are you protecting me from?” Often, they’re guarding younger parts — the exiles — who once felt powerless or shamed. Managers believe control is the only way to keep those feelings from flooding back.

When they sense your calm presence, they begin to trust. They don’t have to retire; they can transform — from rigid controllers into wise advisors.

The goal isn’t to silence your managers. It’s to let them rest in partnership with Self, knowing they no longer have to carry the whole world alone.