Working with Parts - FAQS
How Internal Family Systems Works with Parts
Ready to go deeper into IFS practice? This page answers practical questions about working with your parts - how to talk to them, unblending during strong emotions, and recognize protectors or exiles.
Discover what it means to be in Self energy and how to build trust and safety within your innter system.
⚜️ How do I talk to my parts?
Start simple. You don’t need a special script or meditation just notice when a thought, feeling, or reaction shows up and mentally say, I see you. You can ask gentle questions like, What are you worried about? What do you need me to know? Speak inwardly as if you were talking to someone who’s been waiting a long time to be heard. You don’t have to agree or obey...just listen. Over time, parts start to trust that you really want to understand them.
⚜️ How do I know if I'm blended with a part?
You’re blended when a part takes over and you become its emotion or belief instead of noticing it. It’s when you say, I am angry, rather than, A part of me feels angry. Clues include feeling flooded, reactive, stuck, or unable to see any other perspective. Unblending starts the moment you realize it’s happening, that small bit of awareness is already you, the Self, stepping back into the driver’s seat.
⚜️ How can I identify my protectors?
Protectors are the parts that manage, control, numb, or distract to keep you safe from pain. They often show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, overthinking, anger, or avoidance. You can spot them by asking, What am I doing or feeling when I’m trying not to feel something else? Once you notice them, thank them for trying to help instead of fighting them. Seeing their protective role clearly is the first step toward helping them relax.
⚜️ How do I unblend from a part during strong emotions?
When emotions surge, start by noticing something in me feels instead of saying I am... Naming it that way instantly creates a little space. Take a slow breath and imagine stepping back half a step inside yourself, just enough to watch what’s happening without trying to stop it. You can even say quietly, I’m here with you. That helps the part feel seen without running the show. Unblending isn’t about pushing a part away it’s about giving it room to breathe while you stay present.
⚜️ What does it mean to witness an exile?
To witness an exile means to stay with a part that carries pain often a younger or deeply hurt part and simply see what it’s been holding. You don’t fix, analyze, or comfort right away; you just let it show you its story at its own pace. True witnessing happens when the exile finally feels someone safe enough to tell the truth. In that moment, the part begins to release what it’s carried for so long.
⚜️ How do I help a part feel safe to step back?
Safety builds through trust, not command. Start by letting the part know you see why it’s doing its job and that you respect its reasons. You might say inside, You don’t have to disappear; just give me a little space so I can listen to you better. Parts relax when they realize you’re not trying to exile them again. Over time, that respect allows them to step back willingly rather than being pushed aside.
⚜️ How do I know if I am in Self energy?
You know you’re in Self-energy when there’s a sense of calm, curiosity, and openness toward whatever is happening inside. It’s not about feeling perfect or peaceful it’s about being able to notice what’s going on without being swallowed by it. You might feel more spacious, compassionate, or steady, even in the middle of discomfort. When you can listen to your parts without judging or trying to control them, that’s Self leading.
⚜️ Can parts lie or hide from me?
Yes, parts can lie but never out of malice. For many, lying began as a survival strategy when it wasn’t safe to tell the truth. Some parts lie because they still believe honesty would bring danger or rejection; others lie without realizing it, because their version of the story has become their truth. And sometimes, a part hides or withholds simply because it doesn’t yet feel safe to be seen. The more you approach them with patience and genuine curiosity, the more they’ll trust that truth is finally safe to tell.
⚜️ What if I can't feel any parts?
Not feeling any parts is completely normal, especially at the beginning. Some systems have learned to shut down awareness to stay safe. You can start by noticing simple things, body sensations, thoughts, emotions, or even the absence of feeling and gently wonder if a part might be behind them. Sometimes it helps to imagine that the parts can hear you, even if you can’t hear them yet. Trust that your system is listening; it will open when it’s ready.
⚜️ What if I'm not a visual person?
You don’t need to “see” your parts for IFS to work and you’re in good company. Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS, isn’t a visual person either. He connects with his parts through feelings, sensations, and inner knowing rather than images, and the model transformed his life. Many people sense parts through emotions, body cues, or words instead of pictures. However your awareness shows up is perfect for your system. The goal isn’t to see your parts clearly it’s to connect with them.
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