6 F's in (IFS) 
Internal Family Systems

The third stage of the 6 Fs is Flesh Out, this step is gathering more details and information so we can have a clearer and deeper awareness of the parts role, personality, purpose, and history which is foundational as we move towards healing. ​

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Examples of Fleshing Out Questions

• What would this part like to be called? (name)

• What does this part look like? (does it have an image, color, texture, size)

• If it had a posture or movement, what would it be?

• what emotions is this part feeling?

• Do you get a sense how old this part it?

• how long has this part been around?

• Does this part remind you of anything or anyone?

• What does this part want you to know?

• How does this part help? (what's it's role?

• Does this part remember when it first took on it's role?

• When did it first start doing it's job? 

• What's it afraid would happen if it didn't do it's role? 

• How does it try to help you? 

• Does it feel like it has to do this, or does it want to? 

• What would happen if this part didn't do it's job? 

• What does it believe about you? 

• What does it believe about the world? 

• When did you first notice this part? 

• DoDoes it feel connected to a specific memory or time in your life?

• Has it always done this, or has its role changed?

• Did it learn this job from someone else (e.g., a parent, teacher)?

• What was happening in your life when it took on this role?

• How does it feel about other parts of you?

• Has it ever wanted a break from its job?

• What would help it feel safer?

• Are there other parts that interact with this one?

• Does it feel like it’s in conflict with another part?

• If another part judges this one, how does it feel?

• How long have you been doing this job?

• What do you want me to understand about you?

• What’s the hardest part of your job?

• How do you know when it’s time to step in and do your job?

• Are there times when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed?

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• What are you trying to protect me from?

• What do you want for me (Self) at the deepest level?

• I see how hard you’re working—what drives you to keep going?

• Do you feel like your efforts are truly recognized and appreciated?

• If I could thank you properly, what would you want to hear?

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• Have you ever felt that Self was trustworthy?

• What do you need from me (Self) to feel more comfortable?

• If I could support you in any way, what would that look like?

• Would you be open to experimenting with letting me (Self) take the lead for a moment?

• What would help you feel safe enough to relax, even just a little?

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• How do you see the other parts?

• What do you think about the exile you’re protecting?

• Are there any other parts you work closely with?

• Do you feel like your job has changed over time?

• If you could talk to other parts freely, what would you say to them?

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• If you didn’t have to do this job, what else might you want to do?

• What would your ideal role be if you weren’t stuck in protection mode?

• What do you long for that you haven’t been able to have?

• Would you like to see what life could be like without carrying this burden?

• If you could trust Self more, how might that change things for you?

• Understanding the Protector’s Role & Function

• What exactly is your job? How do you do it?

• How do you know when it’s time to step in?

• What happens in my life that makes you feel like you need to act?

• Are there specific triggers that activate you?

• How do you feel about the way you’re doing your job?

• Do you feel like you have a choice, or does this job feel like a burden?

• Do you ever wish you could do something different?

• Exploring the Protector’s Perspective

• What do you think of me (Self)?

• Do you trust me? Why or why not?

• What do you think about the other parts?

• Do you work closely with any other parts?

• Do you have any parts you don’t get along with?

• If the exile weren’t here, would you still have your job?

• Origins & Development

• How long have you been doing this job?

• Can you remember the first time you had to step in?

• What was happening in my life when you first took on this role?

• Did someone (a parent, teacher, etc.) teach you to do this?

• Was there ever a time when you weren’t needed?

• Methods & Strategies

• How do you accomplish what you need to do?

• What emotions do you try to suppress or control?

• What actions do you take when you’re in charge?

• Do you use specific thoughts, distractions, or behaviors to protect me?

• Does your approach always work, or does it sometimes make things harder?

• Internal Experience of the Protector

• How do you feel about yourself?

• Do you ever feel tired or overwhelmed?

• Do you ever wish you didn’t have to work so hard?

• Is there anything you secretly long for?

• If you could take a break, what would you do?

• Relationship With Self & the System

• Do you think I (Self) understand you?

• What would you like me (Self) to know about you?

• Have you ever tried trusting Self before? How did it go?

• What do you need from me (Self) to feel safer?

• Would you be open to seeing what it’s like to have Self help you?

• The questions are endless.......
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Example

Client: “The red ball in my chest feels like it’s pulsing.”
Therapist: “Does it have something it wants you to know?” (FLESHING OUT)
Client: “It’s saying that if it weren’t here, I wouldn’t be prepared for bad things.”
Therapist: “Does it feel like it’s protecting you?” (FLESHING OUT)
Client: “Yeah, it’s always been on guard.”
Therapist: “Does it remember when it first started doing this job?” (FLESHING OUT)
Client: “I think… maybe when I was a kid and I had to be really careful.”

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