Chapter 17 – Tao Te Ching

1. The Verse (Original)

The best rulers are thoseof whom the people are only aware.

Next come those they love and praise.Next, those they fear.Next, those they despise.

If trust is lacking,there will be no trust in return.

The sage is careful with wordsand values saying little.

When the task is accomplishedand the work is complete,the people all say,“We did it by ourselves.”

2. The Essence — What Laozi Is Actually Saying

This chapter is about leadership—outer leadership of a communityand inner leadership of your own parts.

Laozi lays out a hierarchy:

• The highest ruler is hardly noticed.

• The next best is loved and praised.

• The next is feared.

• The worst is despised.

Why is the barely noticeable one the highest?

Because true leadership in the Taoist sensedoes not draw attention to itself.

It quietly creates conditionsin which people (or inner parts)can act naturally, freely, and effectively.

At the root of this is trust.

“If trust is lacking, there will be no trust in return.”

A ruler—or an inner manager—who does not genuinely trust otherscannot receive trust back.

The sage speaks sparingly,does not grandstand,does not try to get credit.

So when the work is doneand the people thrive,they say:

“We did it.”

This is not the ruler being ignored;it is the ruler’s success.

The Taoist leader does not need applause.They are satisfied that harmony exists,that the task is done,that life flows well—whether or not anyone names them as the cause.

3. Modern Clarity — Slow, Rich, Beginner-Friendly Line-by-Line Commentary

**“The best rulers are those

of whom the people are only aware.”**

The highest kind of leaderis almost invisible.

People know someone is guiding,but they do not feel controlled,managed to death,or manipulated.

Life feels natural,not micromanaged.

This kind of leadershipdoes not constantly say,“Look at me.”

It says,“Look how well things are going.”

“Next come those they love and praise.”

The next level downis a leader who is very visibleand very admired.

People feel affection, gratitude, excitement.They talk about how great the leader is.

This seems wonderful—and it is not the worst—but it is still centered on personality,not on the deep, quiet order beneath things.

“Next, those they fear.”

Below admirationcomes fear-based rule.

Here, control is maintainedthrough threat, punishment, intimidation.

People obey,but their hearts shrink.Creativity dies.Authenticity goes underground.

This is more stable than chaos,but it is brittle—it breaks when pressure changes.

“Next, those they despise.”

At the bottomis a leader who has lost legitimacy.

People not only fear them,they mock them,resent them,have no respect for them.

This is a rule of cynicism,where people comply on the surfaceand revolt inside.

Such leadership collapsesas soon as force weakens.

**“If trust is lacking,

there will be no trust in return.”**

This is the pivot of the chapter.

Trust is reciprocal.

If a leader—outer or inner—operates from suspicion,control,and constant doubt,

the people (or parts)will not feel safe to relax.

They will protect, hide, resist, deceive.

Real trust cannot be forced;it grows where it is offered first.

**“The sage is careful with words

and values saying little.”**

The wise leader does not make big speechesfull of promises and self-display.

They speak when needed,clearly and simply—then let reality do the talking.

Fewer words,more congruent action.

This restraint comes from humility:no need to constantly prove oneself.

**“When the task is accomplished

and the work is complete,the people all say,‘We did it by ourselves.’”**

This is the punchline.

The true measure of Taoist leadershipis not how much credit the leader gets,but how empowered others feel.

If, when the project is finished,people feel:

“We created this.We took part.We are capable.”

then the leader has succeeded.

They have disappeared into the harmonythey helped create.

This is the opposite of ego-driven rule,where the leader must be seen as the savior.

The sage quietly supportsand then steps back,letting others feel their own strength.

4. IFS-Informed Understanding — The Tao Inside the Psyche

Now we bring this inward.

This chapter describeswhat Self-led inner leadership looks like,compared to protector-led control.

A. “Best rulers are barely known” → Self as quiet inner leader

In IFS, Self does not shout,demand, or boast.

It leads with:

• calm

• presence

• clarity

• compassion

When Self is leading,parts do not necessarily say,“Oh, now Self is in charge.”

They simply feel:

• safer

• more seen

• more free to relax or contribute

Healing and wise actions unfold,and it can feel like,“We just worked it out.”

That’s Self-led leadership:powerful but subtle.

B. “Those they love and praise” → parts attached to charismatic managers

Sometimes inner leadershipis taken over by a very strong manager part—the Achiever, the Fixer, the Rescuer.

Other parts may “love and praise” this manager,because it gets things done,wins approval,keeps disaster at bay.

Yet the system is still organizedaround one part’s agenda,not around the balanced wisdom of Self.

It’s better than chaos,but it’s not yet Tao-aligned.

C. “Those they fear” → harsh inner critics and controllers

A step down is when leadershipinside the system is ruled by fear.

The Inner Critic, the Controller,the Perfectionist, the Enforcer—

these parts believethat the only way to keep you safeis to scare you into line.

Other parts obey out of fear:

• fear of failure

• fear of shame

• fear of rejection

The inner world may look “disciplined,”but it is tense, tired, and joyless.

D. “Those they despise” → exiled or distrusted inner leaders

At the bottomis when the system has no trustin any leadership at all.

Self is obscured.Managers fight each other.Firefighters take over impulsively.

Some parts may actively despisewhoever tries to lead:

“You’re weak.”“You’re useless.”“You ruined everything last time.”

This is an inner world withoutstable, trusted guidance.

E. “If trust is lacking, there will be no trust in return” → Self’s relationship with parts

If Self approaches parts with suspicion,judgment, or impatience—

“If you don’t change, you’re a problem,”“I can’t trust you,”

then parts will not trust Self back.

They will cling to their roles,tighten their defenses,and resist being led.

When Self instead comes with:

• curiosity (“I want to know you”)

• compassion (“It makes sense you feel this way”)

• patience (“We can go at your pace”)

trust begins to grow—slowly, organically, from both sides.

F. “The sage is careful with words” → Self’s gentle, limited interventions

Self does not flood the systemwith lectures.

It does not bombard parts with:

“This is irrational.”“You shouldn’t feel that way.”“Here’s the ten-step program.”

Self speaks simply and gently:

“I’m here with you.”“I see how hard this has been.”“Would you like to show me more?”

A few sincere, attuned “words”from Selfare more powerful than a thousandinternal arguments.

G. “The people all say, ‘We did it by ourselves’” → empowered parts after healing

One of the most beautiful signsof Self-led healing in IFSis that parts begin to say,in their own way:

“I can do this now.”“We’re okay.”“I don’t have to carry that old burden anymore.”

They feel ownership of their new roles—not as if someone forced them to change,but as if they genuinely chosea healthier way of being.

Self doesn’t need to parade as the hero.

It is enough that parts feel:

• less burdened

• more integrated

• more capable

The inner system says,“We did it,”and that is exactly how it should be.

5. A Soft Invitation — Not Therapy, Just Curiosity

• Inside me, what kind of “ruler” usually leads—an invisible, steady Self, a praised achiever, a feared critic, or a despised, distrusted authority?• How do my parts respond when leadership inside is driven by fear or shame?• What happens in my body when I imagine a quiet, kind, competent Self leading—without needing credit or applause?• Are there any parts of me that don’t yet trust Self? What might they need to feel safer?• Can I notice moments in my life when things went well and, instead of glorifying a single part, I could softly sense, “Something deeper in me helped this happen”?

6. Closing — The Tao and IFS Share the Same Gate

Laozi’s teaching hereis that the highest leadershipis almost invisible,rooted in trust,and free from the hunger for praise.

IFS reveals the same truth inside:

Self does not dominate or perform.It quietly holds, listens, and guides,until the whole inner systemcan say with genuine confidence,

“We found our way.”

The Tao leads the worldso gently that beings flourishwithout knowing why.

Self leads the psycheso gently that parts healwithout needing to bow to a throne.

In both, the true ruleris the one who can disappearinto the harmony they help create—

leaving behind not followers,but beings who feelauthentically themselves,living in quiet accordwith the Way.