Chapter 22 – Tao Te Ching

1. The Verse (Original)

To be whole, first allow yourself to be bent.To be straight, first allow yourself to be twisted.To be full, first allow yourself to be empty.To be renewed, first allow yourself to be worn out.To possess much, first allow yourself to have little.

This is why the sage holds to the Oneand becomes a model for the world.

He does not display himself,therefore he is luminous.

He does not assert himself,therefore he is distinguished.

He does not boast,therefore he has merit.

He does not exalt himself,therefore he endures.

Because he does not contend,no one under Heaven can contend with him.

What the ancients meant by “bent, therefore whole”are not empty words.

Truly, by being restored,all things return to wholeness.

2. The Essence — What Laozi Is Actually Saying

This chapter is a direct confrontationwith everything your ego believes about strength.

Laozi says:

If you want to be whole,you must be willing to feel bent.

If you want to be steady,you must be willing to feel twisted.

If you want to feel full,you must be willing to be empty.

He is teaching the paradox of the Tao:true strength is born from humility,true fullness from emptiness,true stability from flexibility.

Instead of climbing higher,the sage goes lower.

Instead of pushing forward,the sage yields.

Instead of defending an image,the sage lets the image fall apart.

Because of that,life can move through them freely—and they become a patternfor how things can move in harmony.

Laozi then shows you what real virtue looks like:

The sage:

• doesn’t show off, and so truly shines,

• doesn’t insist on themselves, and so stands out,

• doesn’t brag, and so their value is obvious,

• doesn’t exalt themselves, and so they endure.

They don’t need to compete—and precisely because of that,no one can really compete with them.

The closing line returns to the paradox:“Bent, therefore whole” is not spiritual poetry.It is the deep law of how healing and wisdom actually happen.

3. Modern Clarity — Slow, Rich, Beginner-Friendly Line-by-Line Commentary

“To be whole, first allow yourself to be bent.”

Wholeness doesn’t come from staying perfectly upright and unbroken.It comes from being willing to bend—to be humbled, to learn, to be changed.

If you insist on never bending,you become brittle.Brittle things snap.

To be whole is to be flexible,to let life bend youwithout losing your core.

“To be straight, first allow yourself to be twisted.”

If you want inner integrity,you must be willing to see where you are not yet aligned.

To “be twisted” is to admit:

• I have contradictions.

• I am confused here.

• Parts of me pull in different directions.

Honest contact with those knotsis what allows you to eventually straighten.

Pretending you’re already straightkeeps the twist hidden and frozen.

“To be full, first allow yourself to be empty.”

To be “full” in the Taoist senseis to be rich in presence, clarity, and quiet joy.

But you cannot pour that into a cupalready crammed with:

plansdefensesstoriesperformancesconstant noise.

Emptiness here means:

• putting things down,

• letting go of what you don’t need,

• creating space inside.

In that space,fullness arrives on its own.

“To be renewed, first allow yourself to be worn out.”

Renewal requires an honest meetingwith exhaustion, depletion, and limitation.

If you refuse to feel “worn out,”you keep pushing past your limits,and deeper renewal never comes.

Laozi is saying:

Admit when you are tired.Let yourself reach the end of old strategies.

Only then can something truly new appear.

“To possess much, first allow yourself to have little.”

This isn’t about hoarding wealth;it’s about capacity.

If you cannot tolerate feeling “little”—little recognition, little certainty, little control—you become trapped in anxiety and grasping.

If you can be at peacewith having little,you can be trusted with more.

Inner stability precedes outer abundance.

“This is why the sage holds to the One and becomes a model for the world.”

The “One” is the underlying unity—the Tao, the deep coherence beneath all opposites.

The sage holds to thatinstead of clinging to passing appearances.

Because they live from that center,their life itself becomes a teaching—a pattern others can sense and follow,even if no words are spoken.

“He does not display himself, therefore he is luminous.”

When you stop trying to shine,your natural radiance appears.

Every performance hides your real light.When you no longer perform,people feel your authenticity—and that is luminous.

“He does not assert himself, therefore he is distinguished.”

He doesn’t push his identity forward:“Notice me. Respect me. Agree with me.”

And yet,he ends up standing outexactly because he is not trying to.

Presence, not pressure,is what truly distinguishes a person.

“He does not boast, therefore he has merit.”

Boasting is usually a sign of inner doubt.When you know your own value,you don’t need to shout about it.

The sage’s merit is felt, not advertised.

“He does not exalt himself, therefore he endures.”

What is built on self-exaltationis unstable.

When you constantly try to be “above,”you are always at risk of falling.

The sage remains down-to-earth.Because they don’t inflate themselves,they can’t be easily deflated.So they last.

“Because he does not contend, no one under Heaven can contend with him.”

He does not live life as a fight.He doesn’t posture, argue, or obsess over winning.

Paradoxically,by stepping out of the game of comparison,he becomes unconquerable—there is nothing in him to defeat.

You can’t “beat” someonewho is not playing the same game.

“What the ancients meant by ‘bent, therefore whole’ are not empty words.”

Laozi anticipates your skepticism.

He says:When the ancients told youthat surrender leads to wholeness,they were not being poetic.They were accurately describinghow reality works.

“Truly, by being restored, all things return to wholeness.”

Restoration implies:something has been bent, cracked, scattered.

Wholeness is not “never having been hurt.”Wholeness is what happenswhen what has been bentis gently brought back into alignment—not by force,but by returning to its original nature.

This is the Tao’s path of healing.

4. IFS-Informed Understanding — The Tao Inside the Psyche

This chapter speaks directlyto the paradox of inner healing in IFS.

A. “Bent, therefore whole” → allowing wounded parts to be seen

In IFS, you don’t become wholeby pretending you are fine.

You become wholewhen you allow your “bent” parts—the exiles, the wounded, the shamed, the terrified—to be seen, felt, and held.

Wholeness comes through contact,not avoidance.

B. “Twisted, therefore straight” → honest contact with contradiction

Many parts pull in opposite directions:

One wants closeness.Another fears it.One wants rest.Another demands constant productivity.

Trying to act “straight”while ignoring these twistscreates inner tension.

IFS invites you to notice the twists—to let each part speak.

In that honest witnessing,the system gradually untanglesand real inner straightness emerges.

C. “Empty, therefore full” → making space for Self

Your inner world can be so full of:

self-criticismplansprotection strategiesloops of fear

that there is no roomfor Self to breathe.

Emptiness in IFS languageis when protectors soften,stories pause,and you simply sit in awareness.

From that “emptiness,”Self-energy flows in—and the system begins to feel fullof clarity, compassion, and calm.

D. “Worn out, therefore renewed” → when strategies fail

Many protectors are exhausted—they have been working for decades:

hypervigilancepeople-pleasingperfectionismnumbing

When they finally admit,“I can’t do this anymore,”it can feel terrifying—like everything will collapse.

But that moment of “worn out”is exactly where Self can step in.

Renewal in IFSoften begins when old strategiesare allowed to failand parts can rest in Self’s care.

E. The sage who doesn’t display, assert, boast, exalt → Self-led presence

Self does not need to:

provedefendperformdominate

Self-led presence is quiet and grounded.

Other parts may:

• show off (performers),

• assert (protectors),

• boast (inflaters),

• exalt (grandiose parts).

Self doesn’t fight them.It simply stays steady,curious, and compassionate.

Over time, parts feel this steady presenceand start to trust it.

This is the inner sage.

F. “Does not contend” → unblending from the inner battlefield

Many systems are full of internal arguments:

“You’re too much.”“No, you’re not enough.”“You should do more.”“I’m so tired.”

IFS does not ask you to “win” that fight.It asks you to step out of it,into Self.

From Self, you can listen to each sidewithout taking sides.

Because Self does not contend,no part can truly be its enemy.

This is inner non-violence—the Tao of the psyche.

G. “Restored, therefore whole” → the IFS healing arc

IFS speaks of “unburdening” exilesand “relaxing” protectors.

This is the process of restoration:

• Parts are met in their pain.

• Burdens of shame, terror, or despair are released.

• Protectors discover they can trust Self.

The system doesn’t become perfect.It becomes restored to its natural design,where Self leadsand parts relax into their rightful roles.

This is exactly what Laozi calls“returning to wholeness.”

5. A Soft Invitation — Not Therapy, Just Curiosity

• Where in my life am I trying to stay “upright” instead of allowing myself to be honestly bent?• Which parts of me are twisted in opposite directions—and what happens if I simply listen to both?• What might “emptying” look like for me, even for a few breaths?• Is there a protector in me that feels completely worn out? What would it be like to acknowledge that?• Can I sense an inner presence that does not need to boast, defend, or compete—and what does it feel like to rest there for a moment?

6. Closing — The Tao and IFS Share the Same Gate

Laozi teachesthat wholeness does not come from stiff perfection,but from flexible honesty.

IFS teachesthat healing does not come from erasing parts,but from welcoming them home.

The Tao says:bent, therefore whole.

IFS says:when your most burdened parts are finally held,you remember you were never truly broken.

Both point to the same quiet truth:

When you stop performing strengthand allow yourself to be seen in your bending,the deeper strength of Selfand the deeper flow of the Taocan finally move through you—

restoring you,gently,to the wholenessthat was always waiting underneath.