Tao Te Ching - Chapter 13

Tao Te Ching - Chapter 13

The Verse (Original)

Favor and disgrace both bring fear. Honor and great trouble both come from the self. What does it mean that favor and disgrace both bring fear? Favor is high; disgrace is low.Having them makes one fearful.Losing them makes one fearful. This is why favor and disgrace both bring fear. What does it mean that honor and great trouble both come from the self? The reason we have great trouble is that we have a self. If we had no self,what trouble would we have? Therefore,one who values the world as oneself may be entrusted with the world. One who loves the world as oneself may be entrusted with the world.

The Essence — What Laozi Is Actually Saying

This chapter cuts straight to the root of suffering:

The fear of being praised.

The fear of being criticized.

The fear of gaining something.

he fear of losing something.

All arise from attachment to a separate ego-self.

“Favor and disgrace both bring fear” because the ego trembles on both edges:

If praised → it fears falling.

If criticized → it fears being nothing.

The ego lives in a state of constant instability.

Laozi asks: Where does this trembling come from?

From the identity you cling to, the defended self that must be protected, upheld, admired, validated.

The tighter your grip on identity,the more trouble you experience.

Freedom doesn’t come from destroying the self, but from loosening the grip you have on it.

And then Laozi delivers the paradox:

The less self-centered you are, the more trustworthy you become.

The emptier the ego, the wiser the leader.

Real stewardship arises not from the pursuit of power,but from inner spaciousness.

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Modern Clarity — Slow, Rich, Line-by-Line Commentary

“Favor and disgrace both bring fear.”

Whether people lift you up or throw you down, if your identity depends on external conditions, you will be afraid.

Praise becomes dangerous when your worth depends on it. Criticism becomes devastating for the same reason.

“Honor and great trouble both come from the self.”

Your sense of “me” creates both the highs and the lows.

Honor inflates the ego.

Trouble threatens the ego.

Both rely on the belief that the ego-self is fragile and central.

“Favor is high; disgrace is low."

Having them makes one fearful. Losing them makes one fearful.

Status — high or low — is inherently unstable.

If someone favors you, you fear losing their approval. If someone disgraces you, you fear further humiliation.

The issue isn’t the praise or the blame —it’s being hooked by either one.

“The reason we have great trouble is that we have a self.”

Not the Self of inner wholeness, but the ego-identity that clings, defends, compares, and panics.

When identity is too rigid,everything becomes personal.

“If we had no self, what trouble would we have?”

If we loosen the grip on ego, life becomes less threatening.

Praise doesn’t inflate you. Criticism doesn’t crush you.

You move through life like water, - responsive, fluid, grounded.

“One who values the world as oneself may be entrusted with the world.”

A person no longer driven by ego becomes trustworthy.

They act from sincerity, not self-advancement.

“One who loves the world as oneself may be entrusted with the world.”

When the boundary between self and others softens,compassion replaces fear.

This is Laozi’s vision of leadership:inner spaciousness, not egoic striving.

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IFS-Informed Understanding — The Tao Inside the Psyche

Favor & disgrace → protector anxiety

Protectors constantly scan for approval or rejection.They fear humiliation, seek validation, and react strongly to praise and blame.

This is why both feel dangerous.

“Self” → blended manager identity

Laozi’s “self” here is the ego-identity protectors create to stay safe.

When blended, your system becomes fragile, any external shift becomes a threat.

Trouble comes from the “self” → blending

When protectors fuse with your awareness, everything feels personal. This blending creates reactivity, insecurity, and fear.

“If we had no self…” → unblending

This points directly to Self-energy: calm, clear, compassionate, spacious awareness that is not threatened by praise or blame.

Self is steady even when parts are trembling.

Loving the world as oneself → Self-led compassion

Self sees all beings, including your own parts, as intrinsically connected. This dissolves fear and creates true leadership.

In IFS terms, this is Self leading the system.

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A Soft Invitation — Not Therapy, Just Curiosity

Which parts of me cling to praise or fear criticism?

What identity do my protectors work so hard to maintain?

What trouble arises when a protector blends with me?

What happens when I sense the calm Self behind all parts?

What would it feel like to value the world the way I value my own inner world?

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Closing — The Tao and IFS Share the Same Gate

Both teachings reveal the same truth:

The less tightly you cling to ego,the steadier and freer you become.

Parts tremble in the winds of praise and blame. Self remains spacious, compassionate, unshaken.

From this place,you can love without fear, lead without ego, and care without control.

This is the heart of the Tao.This is the heart of Self.